Today I took part in a service at my Unitarian Universalist Fellowship titled “The Unexpected Journey into Paganism.”
My journey wasn’t really that unexpected. My parents decided that the children they had could pave their own path. I wasn’t baptized and I did not regularly attend any church. Religion was not forced upon me. While I don’t think either of them had Paganism or Witchcraft in mind at the time of my birth, here I am!
It was in high school where I met my platonic life partner, who was exploring Wicca at the time, that I felt a real connection to something. I enjoyed getting in touch with nature, respecting and honoring nature. I felt a strong connection to the moon and the goddess. While Wicca is not what I personally practice, it was my introduction to Paganism.
If someone asks me about my faith, I typically state that I am Pagan or a Witch. If they want to dig deeper, I explain that I consider myself eclectic but that I lean heavily into Traditional Witchcraft. I am not big on ceremonial magick, other than during the Sabbats and even then the rituals I have led are fairly laid back. I don’t follow Wiccan initiations, structures, rites or the guidelines for ritual. I go with my gut. I go with my intuition. I go with what feels right.
I am a solitary practitioner and I focus on self-care, home, and my own created traditions. I focus heavily on the changing seasons, the phases of the moon and the flora and fauna of where I live.
Paganism is my path. Traditional Witchcraft is what I practice.
I recently acknowledged my need to feel like I belong. That I am worthy enough to belong. I acknowledged this feeling because it was challenged. I was made to feel that I was unwelcome and incorrect on my own path. I did not appreciate it. I am valid, my path is valid and I belong. The challenger is the one with the issue, not me. I know who I am. And I am not going anywhere.
Every time I am working with the cards, I cannot help but hold my breath as I flip them over. My reaction is more telling when the cards are revealed than anything else. Which is why I think I struggle to read for others. I am not a predictive reader. I use it as a tool to gauge my responses/reactions to problems in my life. It is a tool to listen to myself in a deeper way than what is bubbling up at the surface. I am sure there is a way to harness the way I read Tarot and read for other people, and I am sure there are readers out there who do it this way. I just haven’t figured it out yet.
Using Ethony’s Tarot by the Moon guide, the Full Moon in Aquarius spread, this was my reading:
What possibilities are being offered to me right now? The Tower
What area of my life is craving freedom and experimentation? The Lovers
Where in my life can I bring more unity? The Hanged Man
What old habits/beliefs need to be released under this Full Moon? Two of Cups
Where do I need to go with the flow? Three of Wands
This reading very quickly became all about my connections with others and upheaval in my life. I have a lot of walls and boundaries in place to protect myself from others. Most people around me are kept at arm’s length. I am comfortable with the distance, physically and emotionally. I did not use to be this way, but continually getting burned makes it hard to get close to the flame.
It may be time for some changes. I need to let go of the relationships that I feel are toxic and that no longer serve a purpose in my life other than stress and discomfort. And I need to be more open with those who I do feel closest to. Those who I trust can be brought in.
Christina. Thirty-four. Platonic life partner to Mathew. Hooman to two cats, Zoe and Pluto. Professional and Technical Writer. Bibliophile. Daydreamer. FOREVER ALONE.
